Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
