he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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