I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
