$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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