It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
