i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
