Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
