She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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