you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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