so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
