we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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