Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He did a backflip because drugs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
