I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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