by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
