if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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