You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
