Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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