o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize