I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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