so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
