I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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