She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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