I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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