btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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