So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
