i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
