so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
