yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
