This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I checked into jail on foursquare
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
