Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
