I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
