8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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