I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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