morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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