Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
