tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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