We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
