I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
