lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
