I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
