she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
