I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
