My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
