Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize