she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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