Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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