dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
