Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I feel like our house is getting pulled over.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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(513): View more from Ohio

you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza

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(541): View more from Oregon

I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.

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(518): View more from New York

I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward

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(661): View more from California

I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.

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(+61): View more from Australia

She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch

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(613): View more from Ontario

Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with

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