Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
