He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
