I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize