if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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