So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
