I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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