wrigley field is MILF paradise
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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