I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
