I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
