obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will pee on everything he values.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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