When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
