remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
