tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize