and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
