Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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