ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
