you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
