We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
